The Difficult Path

Do you remember when you were a child and you woke up in the middle of the night, and with curiosity you got up to look out the window to see what the world looks like at that dark hour? Remember how foreign and oddly lit it was? Well the world looks this way now to many people.

The climate in our country right now is unsettling. It’s hard to watch people express so much fear and anger. I see those whom I’ve known to be open, loving and compassionate, closing off their hearts, withholding understanding toward their brothers and sisters. Others are feeling like they are being attacked with all the harsh judgements and discord everywhere. It matters not what political philosophy one has, it is affecting everyone.

When someone is harshly criticized, or a group, the automatic response is to dig in those heels and further justify their viewpoint. I see this happening on both sides, from obvious verbal onslaughts to skillfully written explanations by ‘experts’ on why one side is so disturbed, so wrong, with an insidious thread running through it that speaks of the superiority of the writer’s view.

If you are happy with your viewpoint, feeing justified in your position, read no further. It will be a waste of your time.

If you are serious about finding peace within yourself and others, there is a way. A difficult path, but one that brings clarity, compassion and yes, peace.

Emotional pain comes from attachment. Attachment to your viewpoint, attachment to your beliefs, attachment to your thoughts; believing them to be the real deal, final, without question. You listen to those with whom you agree and say to yourself, yes, they are right! You fill yourself with information that supports your beliefs. See, there is proof! You listen to experts who share your view; see, she is so knowledgeable, and so right! You distance yourself from other views, other sources, and see people who think a different way as less than, other, different, and the opposite of what is right. You don’t listen to their issues, dreams or solutions, because they are wrong.

Now throw in our modern culture, which in part has been fashioned by the advent and flourishing of the media. Into every corner of your life the words, pictures and sounds are competing for your attention everywhere you go. In my seminars many years ago I mentioned the morphing of entertainment; how, when TV was new, it was exciting just to watch practically anything. There were three channels. They competed for your eyes, so one would add more action, one would add more sexual innuendo, more comedy, pushing the boundaries, etc. You see how that goes. As the years passed the viewers were shown increasingly bold, bawdy, and titillating entertainment to grab your attention and keep it. Much of it was/is great, but we began to see civility wane years ago. Who knows if this was because of the entertainment venues, but now we have several channels with reality shows and in those shows people are often not acting civil or peaceful.

I only add this, because this can help you detach from what is causing your lack of peace. If we view our outer life as a reality show, (as it sometimes seems) we can gain a healthier perspective.

I can hear some saying, “But this is real, and real consequences for people in our country are at stake!” But I am not saying don’t work for the good, don’t vote, or don’t inform yourself.  I’m saying let’s try something.

If we become aware of our prejudices, if we discover where we have been blind, that can only be a good thing, right? Here are some suggestions to begin this path to peace and freedom.

1. Challenge your thoughts. When you catch yourself judging others because you disagree with them, stop and mentally take the other side. When you invest yourself in sitting on the other side of an issue, your understanding grows. The more you do this the easier it will become.

2. Meditate. If you don’t have a meditation practice, start one. This makes it much, much easier to step away from your automatic reactions, thoughts and prejudices with awareness. Being aware of your reactions becomes your spiritual practice.

3. Listen. Really listen to all sides of an issue with an open heart. Watch and read opinions from other than your camp. It can be painful. That pain is from your ego wishing to remain firmly entrenched, being invested in the status quo. Try to lose the idea of a right way and a wrong way, realizing there are infinite ways, infinite possibilities where all are honored, all are respected and heard. Realize there are truths from all perspectives. Be willing to see things differently.

4. Non-Violent Communication. If you are talking with others who are upset, angry, sad, saying inflammatory things, see if you can find within yourself a neutral ground where you are not taking what is said personally. In this neutral ground focus on the speakers emotions behind the words. What is he feeling? Where is the frustration coming from? Without arguing, or trying to change his views, try to describe to him what you think he is feeling. “You sound frustrated that no one is listening to you.” or “It must feel like you’re all alone in this with no help.” etc. This takes practice, but when he really feels heard you will see the anger and frustration draining away.

5. Avoid extremes in word and actions.  Words like always, never, right, wrong, and disapproving adjectives are divisive. Evaluate yourself and your beliefs to check if there are some extreme beliefs in your world view, (eg. All Democrats are… All Republicans are…). Being too deeply invested in one view can cause you to become out of balance and a negative experience will result. Balance in all things.

6. Talk to our Elders. Seek out older people who have lived through many different administrations, watched the fear shift from one side of the political spectrum to the other as new elected officials took office. They’ve lived through wars, recessions, depression and more and can give a different perspective. A great idea would be to see the elders of our communities go out on a listening tour all across the country. Listening to those who feel forgotten, those who are struggling, who have had trageies and suffering in their lives. I know our representatives are elected to do this, but are these suffering people feeling heard? No. and these Elders will spread care and love. And then these Elders could present all that they have learned to congress and shine their love there too.

7. Love.  Love is all there is. Love is the life force that we originate from. Love is the divine in you, flowing through you, holding you in its embrace, guiding you back, awaiting you, forgiving you, championing you, celebrating you, always. Within you and everyone else, there is love. Seek that.