The Difficult Path

Do you remember when you were a child and you woke up in the middle of the night, and with curiosity you got up to look out the window to see what the world looks like at that dark hour? Remember how foreign and oddly lit it was? Well the world looks this way now to many people.

The climate in our country right now is unsettling. It’s hard to watch people express so much fear and anger. I see those whom I’ve known to be open, loving and compassionate, closing off their hearts, withholding understanding toward their brothers and sisters. Others are feeling like they are being attacked with all the harsh judgements and discord everywhere. It matters not what political philosophy one has, it is affecting everyone.

When someone is harshly criticized, or a group, the automatic response is to dig in those heels and further justify their viewpoint. I see this happening on both sides, from obvious verbal onslaughts to skillfully written explanations by ‘experts’ on why one side is so disturbed, so wrong, with an insidious thread running through it that speaks of the superiority of the writer’s view.

If you are happy with your viewpoint, feeing justified in your position, read no further. It will be a waste of your time.

If you are serious about finding peace within yourself and others, there is a way. A difficult path, but one that brings clarity, compassion and yes, peace.

Emotional pain comes from attachment. Attachment to your viewpoint, attachment to your beliefs, attachment to your thoughts; believing them to be the real deal, final, without question. You listen to those with whom you agree and say to yourself, yes, they are right! You fill yourself with information that supports your beliefs. See, there is proof! You listen to experts who share your view; see, she is so knowledgeable, and so right! You distance yourself from other views, other sources, and see people who think a different way as less than, other, different, and the opposite of what is right. You don’t listen to their issues, dreams or solutions, because they are wrong.

Now throw in our modern culture, which in part has been fashioned by the advent and flourishing of the media. Into every corner of your life the words, pictures and sounds are competing for your attention everywhere you go. In my seminars many years ago I mentioned the morphing of entertainment; how, when TV was new, it was exciting just to watch practically anything. There were three channels. They competed for your eyes, so one would add more action, one would add more sexual innuendo, more comedy, pushing the boundaries, etc. You see how that goes. As the years passed the viewers were shown increasingly bold, bawdy, and titillating entertainment to grab your attention and keep it. Much of it was/is great, but we began to see civility wane years ago. Who knows if this was because of the entertainment venues, but now we have several channels with reality shows and in those shows people are often not acting civil or peaceful.

I only add this, because this can help you detach from what is causing your lack of peace. If we view our outer life as a reality show, (as it sometimes seems) we can gain a healthier perspective.

I can hear some saying, “But this is real, and real consequences for people in our country are at stake!” But I am not saying don’t work for the good, don’t vote, or don’t inform yourself.  I’m saying let’s try something.

If we become aware of our prejudices, if we discover where we have been blind, that can only be a good thing, right? Here are some suggestions to begin this path to peace and freedom.

1. Challenge your thoughts. When you catch yourself judging others because you disagree with them, stop and mentally take the other side. When you invest yourself in sitting on the other side of an issue, your understanding grows. The more you do this the easier it will become.

2. Meditate. If you don’t have a meditation practice, start one. This makes it much, much easier to step away from your automatic reactions, thoughts and prejudices with awareness. Being aware of your reactions becomes your spiritual practice.

3. Listen. Really listen to all sides of an issue with an open heart. Watch and read opinions from other than your camp. It can be painful. That pain is from your ego wishing to remain firmly entrenched, being invested in the status quo. Try to lose the idea of a right way and a wrong way, realizing there are infinite ways, infinite possibilities where all are honored, all are respected and heard. Realize there are truths from all perspectives. Be willing to see things differently.

4. Non-Violent Communication. If you are talking with others who are upset, angry, sad, saying inflammatory things, see if you can find within yourself a neutral ground where you are not taking what is said personally. In this neutral ground focus on the speakers emotions behind the words. What is he feeling? Where is the frustration coming from? Without arguing, or trying to change his views, try to describe to him what you think he is feeling. “You sound frustrated that no one is listening to you.” or “It must feel like you’re all alone in this with no help.” etc. This takes practice, but when he really feels heard you will see the anger and frustration draining away.

5. Avoid extremes in word and actions.  Words like always, never, right, wrong, and disapproving adjectives are divisive. Evaluate yourself and your beliefs to check if there are some extreme beliefs in your world view, (eg. All Democrats are… All Republicans are…). Being too deeply invested in one view can cause you to become out of balance and a negative experience will result. Balance in all things.

6. Talk to our Elders. Seek out older people who have lived through many different administrations, watched the fear shift from one side of the political spectrum to the other as new elected officials took office. They’ve lived through wars, recessions, depression and more and can give a different perspective. A great idea would be to see the elders of our communities go out on a listening tour all across the country. Listening to those who feel forgotten, those who are struggling, who have had trageies and suffering in their lives. I know our representatives are elected to do this, but are these suffering people feeling heard? No. and these Elders will spread care and love. And then these Elders could present all that they have learned to congress and shine their love there too.

7. Love.  Love is all there is. Love is the life force that we originate from. Love is the divine in you, flowing through you, holding you in its embrace, guiding you back, awaiting you, forgiving you, championing you, celebrating you, always. Within you and everyone else, there is love. Seek that.  

Just another note about this election.....

It's been so interesting seeing people with divergent opinions grappling with how to handle this election. It actually is a great sign of hope. All sides, Democrats, Republicans, and Independents, are attempting to figure out where to go from here. It's like the vegetarians had to take a big bite of beef, and the Old Rule had to see a Trojan horse infiltrate them, and the independent thinkers had to, once again, deal with invisibility. But, as an old stockbroker, I'm buying stock in America because I think we will eventually get it right, whatever we determine that is. Maybe it's just nighttime and we need to turn the lights on. As a caring and compassionate nation, we will heal, rise and show the world how it's done. 

Hangover after election?

Each election has its winners and losers. Some handle losing well and some create stories in their head of a scary future.

     The two party system used to work far better than it’s working now. It seems with each election we go further and further to one extreme. As one party governs it ignores the will and desires of those in the other party. So much so, that when election time comes the anger of the ‘out’ party spills out creating more separation. It is as if a rubber band is stretched further to the right, then further to the left, then further to the right, and eventually, it will break. Has to.

     You can’t govern just half of the people.

     I believe the two party system is on its last legs. Neither party has a corner on truth, or correctness, or holds the only solutions. When we stand with one party, thinking only this party is right, only this party is good, and criticize the other party as wrong, evil, and bad, we hurt the whole country. It is like a dysfunctional marriage, with each partner insisting the other accept and believe like them. Hearts are closed.

     We’ve been so blind to the abundant possibilities of what can be and what solutions are possible.

     The pain caused by having your candidate lose may be from one of these reasons:

1) You are attached to your story about how things should be. Attached to one way of solving a problem. In Buddhism, attachment is the cause of suffering. What if we weren’t attached to one outcome?

2) You don’t like change of any kind. It's upsetting, and it feels like the comforting familiarity is gone.  

3) You’re projecting. Projecting all that is good on one candidate, or one party and all that is bad to the other. It blinds one to seeing how each candidate, each platform, has positives and negatives.

     I see a future where more groups will arise with more of a unifying message and a willingness to listen to all views. And when that happens the extremes that had been created by the viciousness and anger will subside. The different views will be naturally modified, and hearts will be held open to one another. 

Election Day 2016

A change is coming where our government officials shift away from making decisions for the short term gains, industries support candidates by good policies for the future of all and not financial rewards, and candidates run to serve, and not for power.

We aren’t there yet, but, whoever is elected doesn’t matter because it is heralding a death spiral of the old ways and consequently a sea change, with a realization the answers we seek aren’t in the corporate sector, the government, or the politicians, but in our own hearts.